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For $5 you can either get your girl 2 flowers from a florist OR you can get her an ENTIRE Costco...
For $5 you can either get your girl 2 flowers from a florist OR you can get her an ENTIRE Costco rotisserie chicken... that’s all I'm sayin.- Scruffy
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The difference between sex for money and sex for free is that in the long run sex for free will...
The difference between sex for money and sex for free is that in the long run sex for free will cost a lot more.- Scruffy
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"Empire" had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his...
"Empire" had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All "Jedi" had was a bunch of Muppets.- Scruffy
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I smell like shoe polish. My ex-girlfriend is catatonic after fucking a dead guy. And my present...
I smell like shoe polish. My ex-girlfriend is catatonic after fucking a dead guy. And my present girlfriend has sucked 36 dicks...37.- Scruffy
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Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.
Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.- Scruffy
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Are all the non essential oils out of work now?
Are all the non essential oils out of work now?- Scruffy
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For once I’d like to get kicked INTO a bar...
For once I’d like to get kicked INTO a bar...- Scruffy
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Whenever someone invites me to their home and I see more than 3 cars parked outside, I keep...
Whenever someone invites me to their home and I see more than 3 cars parked outside, I keep driving just in case it's an intervention.- Scruffy
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Coffee spelled backwards is "eeffoc". Just know that I don't give eeffoc until I've had my morning
Coffee spelled backwards is "eeffoc". Just know that I don't give eeffoc until I've had my morning- Scruffy
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At this point, the only guy on the internet that I trust with my personal data is that Nigerian...
At this point, the only guy on the internet that I trust with my personal data is that Nigerian Prince.- Scruffy
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Hey. try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot!
Hey. try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot!- Scruffy
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Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done this year...
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done this year...- Scruffy
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How many instruments must you be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
How many instruments must you be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?- Scruffy
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I'm having a quarantine party this weekend. None of you are invited
I'm having a quarantine party this weekend. None of you are invited- Scruffy
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Ever notice that the people who are the loudest about demanding respect are the ones who have...
Ever notice that the people who are the loudest about demanding respect are the ones who have done the least to earn it?- Scruffy
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Homeschooling day 74: trying to get this kid transferred out of my class.
Homeschooling day 74: trying to get this kid transferred out of my class.- Scruffy
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I wonder if the person who came up with the phrase 'jumping on the bandwagon' got really annoyed...
I wonder if the person who came up with the phrase 'jumping on the bandwagon' got really annoyed when everyone else started using it.- Scruffy
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