C
Confusius
Guest
Hey there, OFC fam.
Well, I'd just require your few minutes. I'll make sure they won't be wasted. If you feel otherwise, I wish you had the capacity to relate to heartfelt opinions at a place like this. You'll relate however, cause this thread will stop becoming only about myself after a certain point.
I wouldn't introduce myself, cause you'll know more about me as you read along. With that, let me come straight to the point - I have faced huge self-esteem issues. Few reasons:
"I was always looking for self-esteem boosts!"
To please my parents, I topped my classes.
To impress women, I tried appearing charismatic and having a better physique. The time and money required clashes with my goals, which are oriented towards having a good bank balance, making up for my less privileged upbringing. I thought academics will let me have that. But I lacked smartness. So I shattered my construct, started looking elsewhere for advices and validation.
Frugality was inherent in my family's financial situation, so we stayed almost always at home, I had no ride, I became homely, got lonely, knew about the online chat world, arrived here. The casualness and lack of consequences for sexual assertion attracted me and I started looking for sexual validation. Now, I ain't the best looking guy you'll ever find, so I was almost always rejected. My native bretheren did enough damage it seems
.
Now, I needed validation to curb my erstwhile refusal of validation, so I ended up coming at the same place, got the same rejection and this landed me into a vicious cycle.
That quest of validation made me used to a lot of straight-on-face refusal and I ruined a lot of my nights, wherein I'd have happily fapped and slept.
In short, I spent my life seeking approval and validation from people who have the least incentive to care, while the people who cared about me the most, didn't provide an appropriate feedback as well. I was happy with the excessive "ideal kid" validation, but the newer family generation made me aware of the toxic nature of excessive validation - it makes you too proud to learn and improve.
So, what did I learn? Well, we humans will always seek validation no matter what and from where. It's just about the nature of validation. Why's porn such a big industry? Cause it validates you for no reason. Porn has been my savior during those awful nights.
What I say is, there are other ways to validate yourself with. Fill your life with little challenges and achieve new ones on a daily basis. They need not mean a lot to you. Take up a new puzzle or download a new brain-teasing game. You take the mission to score and have sex with the person you like as a challenge. Your daily chores is a challenge. Reaching from home to university is a challenge. You can design your goals of validation which land you on a constructive path of success. The quests can be meaningful and something which may define you always.
I sometimes think I didn't deserve the few great friends I made at this platform. Some of them must have had to tolerate my behavior in these circumstances. But I'm grateful they provided me part of the exposure I wanted to be as aware as I am today.
What about the sexual needs I have developed, you may ask. That I'll manage anyhow. Masturbation is always the eternal quick-fix.
I intend to write a thread with the topic "A guide to understand online Indian men." So stay tuned and have fun around with your sometimes pointless but crucially important challenges.
Thank you.
Well, I'd just require your few minutes. I'll make sure they won't be wasted. If you feel otherwise, I wish you had the capacity to relate to heartfelt opinions at a place like this. You'll relate however, cause this thread will stop becoming only about myself after a certain point.
I wouldn't introduce myself, cause you'll know more about me as you read along. With that, let me come straight to the point - I have faced huge self-esteem issues. Few reasons:
- Less privileged background, less privileged circumstances. So I kinda feel a bit less fortunate before people from more affluent nations, with exposure, self-dependence and capacity to choose their own paths in life.
I'm 23, from India and haven't done much to prove anyone I can sustain well in life. My world has been very small most of my life, reduced to a city or a part of it. Home, University then Home. Till the time I was born, my parents had lost all fortunes and youthfulness to strive energetically for a progressive living. I only receive seldom bouts of exposure from reading and watching stuff, or talking to people more erudite and fortunate. My sisters, for instance, married and settled in western nations, so they have always been arriving with a mindset new to me. Since they're much older than I, they guide and prepare my parents and I for a better living.
Now, while this happens, rifts occur. Less financially stable people are very sensitive to being realized how less powerful they are in certain circumstances. Even when someone cares and provides financial assistance, it feels like a subtle way of financial domination over them. I get shrivelled between the layers of over protectiveness from both my parents' and my sister's side, in this war of generations.
India developed so fast, the two generations ended up having so much differences. The older generation wasn't suited to this new world, which the newer generation tried to emphasize. My struggle has always been to evolve to the newer world's mindset, without upsetting my parents in any way. I'm on the bridge above the valley of a huge generation gap.
- Body image, resource deficiency and societal norms. - I'm lean and I don't go to the gym. My friends are obsessed with impressing women, so they emphasize on having an impressive physique. I'm not very tall as well. 5'8", which is tolerable as per Indian standards.
"I was always looking for self-esteem boosts!"
To please my parents, I topped my classes.
To impress women, I tried appearing charismatic and having a better physique. The time and money required clashes with my goals, which are oriented towards having a good bank balance, making up for my less privileged upbringing. I thought academics will let me have that. But I lacked smartness. So I shattered my construct, started looking elsewhere for advices and validation.
Frugality was inherent in my family's financial situation, so we stayed almost always at home, I had no ride, I became homely, got lonely, knew about the online chat world, arrived here. The casualness and lack of consequences for sexual assertion attracted me and I started looking for sexual validation. Now, I ain't the best looking guy you'll ever find, so I was almost always rejected. My native bretheren did enough damage it seems
.Now, I needed validation to curb my erstwhile refusal of validation, so I ended up coming at the same place, got the same rejection and this landed me into a vicious cycle.
That quest of validation made me used to a lot of straight-on-face refusal and I ruined a lot of my nights, wherein I'd have happily fapped and slept.
In short, I spent my life seeking approval and validation from people who have the least incentive to care, while the people who cared about me the most, didn't provide an appropriate feedback as well. I was happy with the excessive "ideal kid" validation, but the newer family generation made me aware of the toxic nature of excessive validation - it makes you too proud to learn and improve.
So, what did I learn? Well, we humans will always seek validation no matter what and from where. It's just about the nature of validation. Why's porn such a big industry? Cause it validates you for no reason. Porn has been my savior during those awful nights.
What I say is, there are other ways to validate yourself with. Fill your life with little challenges and achieve new ones on a daily basis. They need not mean a lot to you. Take up a new puzzle or download a new brain-teasing game. You take the mission to score and have sex with the person you like as a challenge. Your daily chores is a challenge. Reaching from home to university is a challenge. You can design your goals of validation which land you on a constructive path of success. The quests can be meaningful and something which may define you always.
I sometimes think I didn't deserve the few great friends I made at this platform. Some of them must have had to tolerate my behavior in these circumstances. But I'm grateful they provided me part of the exposure I wanted to be as aware as I am today.
What about the sexual needs I have developed, you may ask. That I'll manage anyhow. Masturbation is always the eternal quick-fix.
I intend to write a thread with the topic "A guide to understand online Indian men." So stay tuned and have fun around with your sometimes pointless but crucially important challenges.
Thank you.
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