The Dilemma of Success and Emotional Needs

ShayGO

Well-Known Member
OFC Regular
Hi.

[please note that I'm only generalizing men and women in this article only for the sake of simplicity.We live in a diverse world where thinkable and unthinkable exceptions always exist. Subjectively, the terms 'men' and 'women' can be interchangeable here]

It had been long since I wrote something in the blogs. For an overall introverted guy who loves to think, not being able to express is like being caged in the confines of his own self.Not writing this to inspire sensationalism or attract derogatory statements. I just want to say this, after a long time of refrain...

I understand when women seek success factors in men - Money, Popularity, Physical strength, Nonchalant attitude. But majority of men aren't born with these things. Being born poor, with physical features they couldn't decide for themselves.It's in the journey of life, as they grow up, that they shape themselves to be the kind of person they want to be in life. While growing up, they do observe women rewarding certain traits in men.So they try to emulate or imitate them, like spending a lot on frivolous things just to appear to be rich without knowing the right attitude towards wealth generation and preservation.

I'm a man, Understanding exactly how women think is the hardest puzzle for me. But I do understand women are human beings too, they can be stupid and lacking foresight in their behavior as well. We're always pressurizing men to be the best version of themselves, hit the gym, make money, hustle, self-improve and eventually enter a vicious cycle where you live perpetually with a feeling you're nothing unless you've achieved the next milestone.But maybe, these men are the same beings fuelled by the very emotions, love and nurture they're made to earn and somehow develop ourselves without.

All I'm saying is, instead of looking at men like absolutes, look at them like plants. We're not the alpha males we aspire to be, even the process to develop the alpha image, requires us to devoid ourselves of emotions and simple pleasures we just can't afford to waste our time with because we're hedging them towards an uncertain future.We're developing our whole lives, so we ought to enjoy the process while we develop.

The process of growth is painful. The path to success is a lonely one, since you have to be alone to be working on something.And the way our generation is dealing with this dilemma is outright questionable - Women providing emotional support only on the condition of success, while it's one of the very ingredients that fosters success and satisfaction among men.

It looks like we've twisted gender roles and duality of our species to match certain socio-political narratives.Women want to be in power, so they want to go through the lonely path to success too. The reason we're all lonely is because we're overexposed to the competition around us, we've set high expectations, we want our friends to match specific criteria, we want our partners to match specific criteria, and we're spending our lives thinking we're yet not where we're supposed to be - We're rabbits chasing a stringed carrot ahead of us until we grow old and die with the pain of knowing there was always a bigger carrot we couldn't achieve. Social media shapes our expectations, and these expectations are only blowing out of proportions as time passes.

No one wants to be a simple person in the mob, the person you see doing hard yet important jobs,the one you see enjoying sandwiches at a picnic spot, the one working overtime just so they could take home some more money for their kid's birthday. No one wants to be mundane, boring. All logically achievable, real and sufficient things are just somehow boring in the 21st century.

Wanting all success factors in men makes sense. Women shouldn't be shamed for having high expectations.Men need to achieve money and success in life cause that's what gives them purpose and meaning. It's just, expecting all of it to be put magically on the table is just lazy. We're probably missing out on men with incredible potential for success but not having the necessary emotional support and encouragement, which makes them wander aimlessly for miniscule emotional/sexual gratification and eventually waste the potential.

What's the problem with nurturing men towards success, if they're not the pitch perfect definition of success yet? Just think, isn't not nurturing someone while they develop for success a waste of nurturing and mentoring potential?Why are we missing out on being the kingmakers and just lazily expecting kings to pop out of thin air?Why are we just so afraid of investing in people with potential?

I'd end with some lines both men and women can take note of - Humans look for purpose. There's purpose in growing and there's purpose in nurturing, be it any gender or sex.But there's no purpose in expecting other people to be absolutes and somehow let us piggyback through all the rewards of life.

Shay.
 
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