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Oh no, this burger will last forever. It's an infinite burger, held together by time magic and my everlasting libido

Oh so it's from maccas?

No no, that's mostly the souls of the undying (lawyers, crazy ex's and entitled old people) and glue.
From the glue factory.
Where they make glue.

Mine is just magic.

If you have a magic burger, surely you also therefore have magic shit

Who's to say I don't consume and absorb it, letting it flow through my blood and giving me superpowers?

I think I'd have heard of you.. you're not one of those guys who can walk on water are ya..

Hell, I wish.
All I can do is cook my noodles for just the right amount of time

Prove it lol. Show me your noodle.

Regrettably, my noodle is all soft now. Too much cooking, and we all know how soft noodles tend to not look good in photos...

Urban dictionary states: Soggy noodle: A tepid and dull individual, feigning disinterest in order to conceal a lack of verve.

Well, I never! The nerve of you, insulting my personage and likening it to overcooked pasta! Fie on you! I bite my thumb at thee, knave!

Grammatically speaking, I bite my thumb at thou. But let's not split hairs eh