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Santa saw your Instagram pictures. O.O

If you don’t have anything nice to say... sit next to me and we’ll make fun of people together. :D

I’m not so sure about an inner child, but I have an inner idiot that surfaces every now and then. O.o

3 things you can’t do; 1. You can’t count your hair. 2. You can’t wash your eyes with soap. 3. You can’t breathe with your tongue out.

Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics. ;) :P

An intellectual is a person who has found something more interesting than sex. O.O

Forget about the zombie apocalypse that will never come... worry about the idiot apocalypse that’s already upon us. O.O

Sometimes understanding what a woman wants is difficult. It’s like trying to figure out what colour the letter seven smells like. O.o

Only two things can change a woman’s mood; 1. I love you 2. 50% off sale. :D

If girls argued with their boyfriends topless, they would win every time. :P

They say you can get $200 for donating sperm! To think that I let all that money slip through my fingers. ;)

My relationship status: [_] Single; [_] Taken; [X] Already ordered my 37 cats :D

At my age rolling out of bed in the morning is easy... getting up off the floor is another matter :))

If things get better with age, I must be approaching freakin magnificent. :D

At my age “getting lucky” means finding my car in the parking lot. :)

Ladies, if a man says he’ll fix it he will. There’s no need to remind him every six months about it.