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If a Fire-Fighter's career can go up in smoke, and a plumber's career can go down the drain, can a hooker get laid off?

If you gets link called 'free porn' don't open it. It is birus wich deactivates your spelchek and garblis you riting.

Honestly, it's not the way I look that reveals my age. It's my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.

When I text I use the word duck a lot. Mainly because auto-correct is a ditch.

Ironically "Chumbawamba" totally got knocked down and never got up again

Geology is the study of pressure and time. That's all it takes, really. Pressure and time. That, and a big goddamn poster.

If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off of it by now.

I have not yet begun to procrastinate.

Homeschooling update: So far one student has been suspended and the teacher was fired for drinking on the job...

If you think human beings have evolved a lot. Look at how much Egyptians worshiped cats... Then go look at Facebook for about 5 minutes.

Looking for woman with peg leg, eye-patch, and parrot on shoulder for rum and plundering booty. Must provide own cutlass, have sloop, and be willing to travel the seven seas. HMU, Arrrrrrrrr!

The only difference between brown nosing and ass kissing is depth perception.

It's sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his violence, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.

Now all of a sudden having a mask, rubber gloves, duct tape, a gallon of bleach and plastic sheeting in the trunk of my car is okay.

If you grew up wanting to be a Plumber or a Pizza delivery boy, You watched too much porn as a kid.

I love talking to small children. No adult is ever going to ask me what my 3rd favorite dinosaur is.

I've been eating so much during the lockdown. I'm starting to get a tan from the fridge light.

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.