Depression

WitchySeaWingLady

WitchySeaWingLady

Active Member
I have been depressed since middle school due to growup without a mother and familey behind me except from my sick father. My gloomy and painfully numbing story begins when I was only three years old and my mother ran away and went on to divorce my kind hearted father. And by the time I was 7 years old I ended up homeless and without any freinds in California and Neveda And eventually Oregon and I had to take care of my sick with heart problems by begging for money on the streets and then cleaning mean and abusive people's houses and cars and selling small candies to people who often looked down upon us while me. And my poor father who was constantly having heart attacks as were both straving to death and living a car and washing ourselves up in resturant bathrooms to look decent enough. Years later at 20 my dad has Parkinson's disease and is wheelchair bound I have to take care off him while paying medical bills for my sick father and now my dog is sick too and I work to jobs as a fast food server and another as a yoga Instructor at a small fitness. And my depression has come back with a bang because I feel stuck and I feel like I'am failing myself and my father because I don't have enough money and I can't go to school and everytime I try to reach for my goals to become a pinup lingirie model and burlesque dancer and scuba diving instructor and horror fiction and folktail writer someone or something show and ruin things for me sadly.
 
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Sorry to hear that. It's a daily battle for alot of us also and I'm stubborn enough to piss depression off and smile. Somedays it takes alot more lying to myself to make that happen. Good luck to ya and if ya need to chat anytime send me a PM. May I suggest some different color lipstick. :)
 
WitchySeaWingLady said:
I have been depressed since middle school due to growup without a mother and familey behind me except from my sick father. My gloomy and painfully numbing story begins when I was only three years old and my mother ran away and went on to divorce my kind hearted father and by the time I was 7 years old I ended up homeless in California and Neveda And eventually Oregon and I had to take care of my sick with heart problems by begging for money on the streets and then cleaning people's houses and cars and selling small candies to people while me and my father were both straving to death living a car and washing ourselfs up in resturant bathrooms to look decent enough. Years later at 20 my dad has Parkinson's disease and is wheelchair bound I have to take care off him while paying medical bills for my sick father and now my dog is sick too and I work to jobs as a fast food server and yoga Instructor at a small fitness and my depression has come back with a bang because I feel stuck and I feel like I'am failing myself and my father because I don't have enough money and I can't go to school and everytime I try to reach my for my goals to become a pinup lingirie model and burlesque dancer and scuba diving instructor and horror fiction and folktail writer that someone or something is in my way sadly.
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I hate to hear of any one struggling. So sorry for what your going through, life is hard, we all have our stuff we deal with everday, when I awake each day I look for something positive that I can be positive and cling to that day, put a smile on and face the day, I find I can find a inspiring song and sing, hum whistle helps me keep smiling, My father is also struggling with Parkinson's it is really hard to watch , sounds like he is really lucky to have you. So put that smile on and be proud of your self.
 
WitchySeaWingLady said:
I also really want to open up a book store and professional art supplies store /art gallery place somewhere perhaps here in Texas one day than a dancing school and playhouse for burlesque dancers and show girls only.
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BURLESQUE I would love to do that. Awesoem goals you have and good luck. :)
 
Thanks again Debbie I have done some shows here and there but nothing too big. and sady there will always be guys who try to take me to a motel or flat out grab my ass and boobies or try to give me their number. And when I ignore them and tell them that I’am not interested they get really rude and mean. And they will sometimes get really violent with me but I really want to keep on pursing burlqesue dancing and model but there some really bad stuff that comes with it like almost noone having respect for me sadly.
 
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Modeling and wanting to be beautiful and popular comes with so many back lashes and sometimes one has to fight other models.
 
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WitchySeaWingLady said:
I have been depressed since middle school due to growup without a mother and familey behind me except from my sick father. My gloomy and painfully numbing story begins when I was only three years old and my mother ran away and went on to divorce my kind hearted father. And by the time I was 7 years old I ended up homeless and without any freinds in California and Neveda And eventually Oregon and I had to take care of my sick with heart problems by begging for money on the streets and then cleaning mean and abusive people's houses and cars and selling small candies to people who often looked down upon us while me. And my poor father who was constantly having heart attacks as were both straving to death and living a car and washing ourselves up in resturant bathrooms to look decent enough. Years later at 20 my dad has Parkinson's disease and is wheelchair bound I have to take care off him while paying medical bills for my sick father and now my dog is sick too and I work to jobs as a fast food server and another as a yoga Instructor at a small fitness. And my depression has come back with a bang because I feel stuck and I feel like I'am failing myself and my father because I don't have enough money and I can't go to school and everytime I try to reach for my goals to become a pinup lingirie model and burlesque dancer and scuba diving instructor and horror fiction and folktail writer someone or something show and ruin things for me sadly.
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I want to hug you and take you out for some ice cream and a nice long chat. You're very brave and such a great daughter! You've lived a hard life, but you have survived and done what you needed to do to make it. You're strong and you have an amazingly good heart! I'm sending you love and support and a mega crapton of hugs. Depression is a motherfucker, but on days when it gets really too much, read the messages here and see that we are wishing you the very best, and want nothing but joy and happiness for you.
 
WitchySeaWingLady said:
I have been depressed since middle school due to growup without a mother and familey behind me except from my sick father. My gloomy and painfully numbing story begins when I was only three years old and my mother ran away and went on to divorce my kind hearted father. And by the time I was 7 years old I ended up homeless and without any freinds in California and Neveda And eventually Oregon and I had to take care of my sick with heart problems by begging for money on the streets and then cleaning mean and abusive people's houses and cars and selling small candies to people who often looked down upon us while me. And my poor father who was constantly having heart attacks as were both straving to death and living a car and washing ourselves up in resturant bathrooms to look decent enough. Years later at 20 my dad has Parkinson's disease and is wheelchair bound I have to take care off him while paying medical bills for my sick father and now my dog is sick too and I work to jobs as a fast food server and another as a yoga Instructor at a small fitness. And my depression has come back with a bang because I feel stuck and I feel like I'am failing myself and my father because I don't have enough money and I can't go to school and everytime I try to reach for my goals to become a pinup lingirie model and burlesque dancer and scuba diving instructor and horror fiction and folktail writer someone or something show and ruin things for me sadly.
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You're very brave to come out with this and when most people don't talk about it, you open up about this all. To me that's strength inside of you and that light is nowhere near the end. There are groups on Facebook that can possibly steer you in the right direction.
You think things happen to you a lot worse than others. I can see why, and that you think God has let you down in someway, it has nothing to do with God or how you are, things just happen and nothing anyone can do about it until they do happen. The only way you can do things is putting the blame on to others, authorities, Social Services. How long can you lay the blame for? To get back on to your feet is going to take a lot of courage and a lot of hard work and it's not easy. But having friends supporting you, then it be easier. You just need someone really properly there without any exploitation as you are already vulnerable. If you want to talk I suggest you pm me and I promise I'll never exploit you in any way I'll point you in the right direction and guide you to what I know how. I hope this helps and I wish you all the best.
 
WitchySeaWingLady said:
I have been depressed since middle school due to growup without a mother and familey behind me except from my sick father. My gloomy and painfully numbing story begins when I was only three years old and my mother ran away and went on to divorce my kind hearted father. And by the time I was 7 years old I ended up homeless and without any freinds in California and Neveda And eventually Oregon and I had to take care of my sick with heart problems by begging for money on the streets and then cleaning mean and abusive people's houses and cars and selling small candies to people who often looked down upon us while me. And my poor father who was constantly having heart attacks as were both straving to death and living a car and washing ourselves up in resturant bathrooms to look decent enough. Years later at 20 my dad has Parkinson's disease and is wheelchair bound I have to take care off him while paying medical bills for my sick father and now my dog is sick too and I work to jobs as a fast food server and another as a yoga Instructor at a small fitness. And my depression has come back with a bang because I feel stuck and I feel like I'am failing myself and my father because I don't have enough money and I can't go to school and everytime I try to reach for my goals to become a pinup lingirie model and burlesque dancer and scuba diving instructor and horror fiction and folktail writer someone or something show and ruin things for me sadly.
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Hi :)

I must congratulate you for putting up a great spirit and attitude towards life even during such hardships. Circumstances in life are a lot like a throw of dice, where privilege and fortune get distributed among people by sheer chance. Whatever we are born with, we hold the power to write our own destiny and change our life for the better. I can understand it must not be easy for you to stay positive or happy given all that had happened to you :( But hey, you have all the reason to dream and look further rather than look back. I wish you all the best for your life and all the happiness and prosperity that comes with a good life. Take care :x
 
Depression is tough on any level, the worst thing is that few people around you will ever recognise the impact it has on your life in general and that goes for everyone who has suffered with it.
I was psychologically abused from a young age and then sexually abused as a young teenager. I suffer with depression on a daily basis and became agoraphobic for 4 years, however that part has now passed and I am once again working.
The combination of past abuse and the depression leaves me with little confidence in myself and a kind of self loathing which I try to keep at bay as much as possible, sadly it isn't always possible and sneaks out.
I have been working towards being more confident and more self aware that I'm not as worthless as I think I am.
Depression is no joke, no fun, and nothing anyone who has never experienced it will ever understand.
 
Total respect to you mate. I suffer slight depression and anxiety brought on by events that happened while serving in the Army.

I know how it doesn't just effect you but those close to you. How you can feel fine one moment and sink the next.

So you keep fighting. Keep buggering on as Churchill would say and believe in your own worth. Because everybody is worth something to someone.

*Fist Bump*
 
Chubby74 said:
Depression is tough on any level, the worst thing is that few people around you will ever recognise the impact it has on your life in general and that goes for everyone who has suffered with it.
I was psychologically abused from a young age and then sexually abused as a young teenager. I suffer with depression on a daily basis and became agoraphobic for 4 years, however that part has now passed and I am once again working.
The combination of past abuse and the depression leaves me with little confidence in myself and a kind of self loathing which I try to keep at bay as much as possible, sadly it isn't always possible and sneaks out.
I have been working towards being more confident and more self aware that I'm not as worthless as I think I am.
Depression is no joke, no fun, and nothing anyone who has never experienced it will ever understand.
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I am where you are. Totally understand where you are coming from. I was in similar situation, abuse lasted until i was 32. It has been a very tough journey for me. Im still worthless in my mind, but you know what ppl say, noone thinks that of you, and they keep telling you to believe it.. yeah no.
Hugs man xxx
 
I think the worst thing about depression for me is the fact that I know I am depressed and it is affecting those I love and there is nothing I can do about it. I can't just lift myself up out of it. I don't want to be like that and I don't want to bring down those around me or make them go thru the hell I put them thru, and then that makes me even more depressed.
I am very thankful I have a man in my life who gives me the space I need when I am having a episode. But then there is always that fear that eventually he is going to get tired of dealing with my depression and leave.
 
ViXxXeN said:
I think the worst thing about depression for me is the fact that I know I am depressed and it is affecting those I love and there is nothing I can do about it. I can't just lift myself up out of it. I don't want to be like that and I don't want to bring down those around me or make them go thru the hell I put them thru, and then that makes me even more depressed.
I am very thankful I have a man in my life who gives me the space I need when I am having a episode. But then there is always that fear that eventually he is going to get tired of dealing with my depression and leave.
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I've tried to push Angel away earlier. Not because I don't love her, or think she doesn't love me. It's taken what I hope is only almost losing her, for me to realize that her reaction was because I'm not worthless, not to her anyway. That has helped me love part of myself again, and hopefully I can start to try and repair some of the damage I caused. I've been a prize asshole just because I didn't trust my own self worth
 
Misha000 said:
I am where you are. Totally understand where you are coming from. I was in similar situation, abuse lasted until i was 32. It has been a very tough journey for me. Im still worthless in my mind, but you know what ppl say, noone thinks that of you, and they keep telling you to believe it.. yeah no.
Hugs man xxx
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I hope in time that you can learn to believe that you're not worthless. I've realized that I'm not totally worthless, and if I can, you can at some point too
 
Chubby74 said:
I've tried to push Angel away earlier. Not because I don't love her, or think she doesn't love me. It's taken what I hope is only almost losing her, for me to realize that her reaction was because I'm not worthless, not to her anyway. That has helped me love part of myself again, and hopefully I can start to try and repair some of the damage I caused. I've been a prize asshole just because I didn't trust my own self worth
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Sandrock and I have been together over 2 and a half years and still I try to push him away at times. I don't want him to have to deal with this side of me and feel he deserves better.
I've gotten better about the pushing away and don't do it as much now. It's a work in progress.
 
ViXxXeN said:
Sandrock and I have been together over 2 and a half years and still I try to push him away at times. I don't want him to have to deal with this side of me and feel he deserves better.
I've gotten better about the pushing away and don't do it as much now. It's a work in progress.
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The depression I struggle with is very, very similar to what you go thru. That feeling of not being able to do anything about the hole you're in when that dark wave hits you - not being able to flip a switch and just pull yourself out - the fear of pushing ones you love away - losing them - fear of them giving up on you - I know it all too well.

But two and a half years - that alone is a definite testament of the strength and love you guys have for one another. Struggles, as often as they come, you both know that what you both have is worth it in the end. It's enviable, honestly. Never lose sight of what you've both worked thru and held on to - that love shared will trump all tribulations time and time again <3
 
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