Hmmm I must confess...

Discussion in 'Confessions' started by Misha000, Dec 2, 2018.

  1. Misha000

    Misha000 Well-Known Member

    That all the pretty colours in the world ain't gonna sugar coat the way I feel today. :oops:
    It's like this, my husband has always used sex in our relationship as a glue. We have little or nothing in common, but our sex was always ok.
    Now unfortunately I feel like he's just using me for self gratification. Yesterday he sent me a pic of his cock, then he proceeded to jerk off and told me he'd cum.
    Later on he lay next to me .. I'm supposed to know he's horny here. :( We did nothing. Then very much later on, after 3 hours of sleep he decides to shove his cock in my mouth and then lie back and wait for me to suck him off.
    Yeah, you can imagine what I thought. I was upset. Then the next morning I catch him looking at porn and jerking off.
    Is it just me, or is he completely oblivious to my needs here? No foreplay, no desire to please me.
    Let's just say I'm now completely turned off sex. I feel like an unattractive blob. Why doesn't he listen to me.
    :(
     
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I feel badly for you and I have the same kinds problem with the exception my husband never wants sex. Ive always had a strong sex drive and he hasnt. I can only give you my POV coming from someone that constantly gets turned down. I would rather get my satisfaction from sexting and playing than having to feel badly about myself and not get any sex. My self esteem has been kicked down in the dirt too many times by not getting what I need in the bedroom and left crying at night. We have a great marriage other than the sex and thats what I crave and need. I can sympathize with you for getting upset over his masturbation and then just expecting you to want him. And from the one profile pic I've seen of you wow your no blob but I know it all has to do with how we feel inside. There are times I'd take any damn thing I can get. I'd be ashamed to say when the last time I had sex with my husband was. I honestly dont remember that far back. I'm feeling a blob myself now. :) I miss being touched by someone with wanting hands.
     
  3. WildMan

    WildMan Active Member

    Sorry those things happened to both of you Mishka and DDD... Only thing I can offer is an open mind, listening ears, and a shoulder to lean on and always be there if yall wanna talk about it sometime. Don't be scared to tell people how you feel.
     
  4. Sun66

    Sun66 Well-Known Member

    I am very sad to read both your posts. Neither of you are blobs and from what I know of you both, you are gorgeous, smart, funny, witty, sexy, sassy women. My relationship with my partner was very similar to what you both describe. I went through it for 15 years, slowly dying inside, as I believed all the negative things he said and did were my fault. Somehow his needs and wants were more important than mine. It took a long time to for me to realise the situation wasn't all my fault, at the most it was 50%. I finally told him after another big argument that I couldn't do this anymore. I slowly re-built my life over the last two years, and dealt with all the hurt and still have a way to go.

    The only thing I can say, is that if you have told your husbands how you feel, really told them, and they are not interested in changing or understanding how you feel, then you really need to think about what you are going to do in the long term. As it will eat away at your heart, soul, self esteem and mind, I took too long to make the decision due to family considerations, I am lucky I made the break when I did.

    Love and light to you both x
     
  5. Misha000

    Misha000 Well-Known Member

    Oh DDD that's really shit.
    Do you know why he doesn't want sex?
    Thing is, I don't want sex because I know he won't take the time to pleasure me. He has never made me cum from 15 years of marriage. I always have to do it myself. I was ok with it for years, but since coming on sites like this I've realised that this isn't right.
    Maybe it's the norm, but I deserve better. So, I don't bother. Now there's nothing there at all.
    He does find me attractive but he can't stimulate me anymore. Maybe that's why he doesn't try. I don't know.
    I understand why you come here DDD. I think i was searching for the same thing, but even this isn't enough.
    I've even thought that maybe he isn't the man for me... That makes me very sad.
     
  6. Misha000

    Misha000 Well-Known Member

    Sun, omg thank you for these kind words. I have already been through one abusive marriage, this is my second, but this one is different. There is nothing there.. no compassion, no understanding, no communication. I did tell him how I felt this morning, he just said, "I'm not gonna talk about it because you always manage to manipulate everything to be down to me.. something I've done wrong". So he just stopped talking.
    I am dead inside. I am depressed and I feel totally worthless. I don't want to leave him because i have two beautiful children and they are my whole life.
    So .. I just carry on.
    Places like this site help a little. But its just scratching the surface. I know what i should do, but I'm scared. Im not in a head space to be able to do this on my own.
    Thanks guys for allowing me to vent.
     
    Fireball69, Irene_Adler, DDD and 3 others like this.
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for your story as well. It's a hard thing to go through and deciding what it the most important thing to you. Weve been together for over 20 years I've always said I could handle not getting what I need but it sure is tough at times. I'm lying to myself to spare hurting his feelings.
    From even when we dated years ago when we were teenagers he just never was overly sexual with me. I think it comes back to something psychological. Hes very private and wont discuss it alot. I've always allowed him to have that dignity with his secret while it made me feel like less of a woman. He knows I am very sexual and rely on masturbation to get some satisfaction. I think I'd have to journey to the center of the earth to figure it all out.

    Thank you both for your input and sharing with one another. But the show must go on I assume. Yall have a wonderful day or hope it was wonderful. ;)
     
  8. PhotographerGuy

    PhotographerGuy Well-Known Member

    I feel a little weird responding to this as I'm not a woman (since it's been mainly ladies posting) and never been married. But...

    I truly feel for you @Misha000, @DDD and @Sun66 and you should never have to go through being treated like that. From a man who, I guess, isn't your 'normal' guy, what your spouses are doing is deplorable. No man should treat a woman like that. When you are that giving you have earned equal treatment at the very least.

    I too am in a dysfunctional relationship. The woman I'm dating, for lack of a better term, and I have pretty much destroyed the relationship. It's kinda one sided but as I'm saying, it's all over but the goodbye.

    We first dated back in 2000 and had 3 good years. She left me to get back together with the ex before me, which looking back should have been my red flag. I still had feelings for her and did what I could to remain friends. After nearly 3 more years the ball started rolling again, only now I was off to Iraq.

    While there I would call her when I could. Finally we came to the decision to get back together when I returned. This time though I was moving. I was 180 miles away to the north. The idea was she'd join me. After 7.5 years there and being alone I returned here for family, this time moving in with her. That was June 2014. Since then the relationship has been on a downward slide. I did start on the path to my dream career as a photographer, a d there was initial encouragement. Otherwise, we have grown apart. As for the sex, try over 5 years. No intimacy at all, and I know that sounds strange coming from a guy. As bad as this is to say, I go through the motions just to keep a roof over my head for now.

    Earlier this year I found this chat and have met some amazing people and created friendships. I've also been looking at my life more closely and realize I need to seperate myself from my situation. To add insult to injury, I have ceased communication with my family for the time being. The idea is to get away from the negative in my life, even if it is for the neutral.

    Several months ago I met someone here that has literally turned my life upside down. I spend every moment possible thinking about her and what life might be like. I recently may have fucked up any real chance but I still have to try. Ad I've said to myself , I can't guarantee it will work, I can't guarantee it wont, but I can guarantee I (we) will never know if it's not tried. I realize it's a dream and will most likely not go past that. But, after so many years of being afraid to do something for me I have made the decision to leave and move to make a better life. It's a huge gamble but I feel one I need to take.

    At nearly 49 years old I'm trying to restart my life. I can't encourage you all enough to take a hard look and see what you can do to make yours better. I'm in probably the worst situation I can be in to do this but when the time is right, make it happen.

    I also cant thank you all enough for the friends I've made here and the support I've both gotten and been able to give. The people who take the time to get to know others are truly wonderful. Thank you. Over the past 10+ years I've been in a number of chat rooms and this group is by far the most beautiful. I have opened up to you all more than I ever imagined I would. I look forward to talking to the close group of people from here every day.

    Okay, that's enough sappiness for now. Dont just keep on keeping in, make things better!
     
    Louise_angel, Sun66, DDD and 3 others like this.
  9. Misha000

    Misha000 Well-Known Member

    I read this, but i can't reply now it's 1am.. tomorrow xxx
     
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your reply and I hope things work out well for you also. Regrets are the worst things to get past It seems. I love this thread btw sometimes we feel alone in our daily problems and when we express some of our thoughts to others it seems we are never alone with friends. Even in unconventional ways.
     
  11. PhotographerGuy

    PhotographerGuy Well-Known Member

    Thank you as well and I truly hope you are able to get to a better place as well. It is a great feeling to know we're not alone and there is a 'support group' where we can talk. I too live this thread.

    As for regrets, I've tried to live by the belief that i shouldn't have any. We make decisions in our lives, some good some not so good. Enjoy the good ones and learn from the not so good (I don't want to say bad).

    If I hadn't made the choices I did, I might never leave (when I finally do in the next few months). And I would not gave gotten to know any of you dysfunctional maniaca that I've grown to love (lol).
     
    Renee, AkshayGoodOne, Sun66 and 2 others like this.
  12. PhotographerGuy

    PhotographerGuy Well-Known Member

    Sun66 likes this.
  13. Sun66

    Sun66 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts, you are absolutely right about making life better. Sometimes that involves making hard decisions. I am definitely finally on the that journey and feeling positive about it. I hope everything works out for you too x
     
  14. PhotographerGuy

    PhotographerGuy Well-Known Member

    Thank you @Sun66. I'm very happy for you and my thoughts are with you. Let's both go kick ass. :):):)
     
    Misha000, Irene_Adler and Sun66 like this.
  15. Misha000

    Misha000 Well-Known Member

    I truly believe that you will both be fine. I made a similar decision in my first abusive marriage and it was tough but the right thing to do at the time. I just feel that this is my lot now. I can't leave although I feel disheartened. Relationships are tough. Im almost 50, cannot ruin my kids family life (which is still good) for my own selfish wants and desires.
    I will try not to post again when I feel down. Seems to have the opposite effect. I felt good getting it off my chest, but now I feel worse.
    Peace to all.
     
  16. jameswillson69

    jameswillson69 New Member

    leave his ass say bye bitch
     
    PhotographerGuy and Misha000 like this.
  17. Sun66

    Sun66 Well-Known Member

    Hey Misha, we all have good and bad days. Thank you for your kind words. I am 52, and my children are almost finished school. We are not going to tell them anything until next year. I totally understand not wanting to break up the family if the children are happy, together my ex partner decided to take a similar approach. As far as anyone knows we probably seem happier now than before.

    My advice, find something for yourself, and see what you can do with your husband to improve the situation for your own wellbeing. My partner treated me badly because he knew I wouldn’t break up the family, and he was right, but one day I snapped, and that changed everything. Only you know what is right for you and your family, no one else.

    We only know a point in time, You know it all. The turning for me came when I was talking to a close friend and he talked about the things we do for our children. I replied I fuck their father whenever he wants and let him treat me like crap, that’s what I do for my children. I didn’t mean to say that, he turned to me and said he knew that feeling. It made me think if my children came to me and told me this was happening to them, what would I advise them to do? Then I thought what am I teaching them about love and relationships and respect? It’s not selfish to want to be treated with respect, love and care by your partner, I think the tipping point is how much real damage is being done to your soul? Only the person affected really knows what is right.

    Hope this helps someone, I’m sorry if I made no sense, I’m home sick in bed today so these are the ramblings of a sleepless sickie.

    Love and light Misha ❤️
     
    Irene_Adler, PhotographerGuy and DDD like this.
  18. Misha000

    Misha000 Well-Known Member

    Short but straight to the point lmao
     
    Sun66 likes this.
  19. Mr-Nice-Guy

    Mr-Nice-Guy Active Member

    I'm sorry to hear this. Making love is supposed to be abeautiful thing full of passion, care, romance and everything else that comes with it. Unfortunately it seems like he isn't even looking at your needs just his needs and you have desires too. You shouldn't be put off and I doubt you are a blob but I am sorry that is how you feel.

    I am very surprised you not bit him as that could have happened and well, he would have deserved it too. I'm not an expert in this love and sex but it seems to me he's putting you off or down. You can try to communicate to him explore this more, but I can't guarantee he'd listen, you know more about him than any of us.

    If you like to talk I'll listen. That includes anyone on here. We all have difficulties in life one way or another. Just that for some it can get a little too much.
     
  20. Misha000

    Misha000 Well-Known Member

    You are totally right hunny. I do love him tho. I'm desperate for him to be more caring and compassionate but he's tired and probably a little adhd..
    You get well soon babe xxx @Merikh100 is missing you I'm sure :D:eek::oops::rolleyes:o_O:)
     
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