A
AkshayGoodOne
Guest
Hi.
I've come up with a striking thought and hence, some more questions.
I used to think I won't need anyone and I'll live "happily ever after" once I get married or committed to one person. But I see here people admitting that they're unhappy in their marriage, that they yearn for sexual intimacy with people they're not supposed to do that with, that they fall in love with any new attractive person they see, that they want an escape, from the shackles of love, relationships and responsibilities.
Well, this is the gift of the society we've designed for ourselves over the years. These are the errors and exceptions of civilization everyone's trained to ignore and forget, cause norms and uniformity are always right. Yes, we are social beings and have stayed in groups to survive through the prickly course of time. To combat adverse, depreciating situations, team work and coordination were quintessential.
We've hence made a system for ourselves, but this isn't Utopia. This system, these norms leave many or all people fucked up in some way. If you're getting disparaged and depressed by the system, it's your fault and not your fault. Deal with it, live with this dilemma, unless you pay close attention and think, why do I feel restricted to change my life for the better? why ain't I happy in my marriage? why ain't I able to find love? Why do I like a person I'm not supposed to? Why ain't I attractive as per general standards? why do I live in chains, although I'm born free?
Consider this : You love someone, the first thought is that this is "The One" for me. Then you be the best version of yourselves for them, give them your care and love, woo them, finally propose a relationship. They agree, you both marry and then, you feel that this person isn't gonna go anywhere, that all their love, care, affection, body and mind is dedicated to my emotional, physical and mental support, and I don't even need to make any efforts for that anymore. That person becomes your property, and you stop investing your time, energy, creativity and goodwill into keeping them happy. Or if that happens, it becomes just a way to ensure you still own their love. Your attempt is to be secured of love, to stop hankering, worrying, thinking about obtaining the care you need all your life.
Love never works that way.
Owning someone never guarantees their love. Owning never does anything, other than making you feel confident and secured, and keeping you under the impression that you can be lazy about things now. Who are you to "own" and "possess" things? What have you done to feel like a "King" just like that? If owning nourishes your self-esteem and ego, what use are these things, if they shatter at every single thought of losing ownership of things? Why do I have to love someone just to own them and vice versa?
Now since you always want to own the best thing possible, you begin to see people as a conglomeration of virtues and features, just like you look at other objects. Beauty becomes one of these virtues. Now since, we are programmed for affinity towards aesthetics and visual appeal, we embark on a journey to seek the best things we can own. Just like you'd feel happier moving to a bigger house or buying a more lavish car, you'd feel attracted towards a more beautiful woman.
Now what use is owning beauty and beautiful people? Why does it hurt when a beautiful person doesn't like us or isn't in a relationship with us? Why do we wish to get the better of them in such cases? This is the result of the idea of "possessing" beauty, "possessing" everything - something Kings and other people in power have done throughout the course of mankind. Marriage, inheritance and family relationships are a product of the concept of "Property Ownership." Hence, we can't own certain people and things, cause they belong to someone else. Everyone wants to rule this world, and the way to that is to own as much as possible. We are chasing that dream, that ideology, subconsciously.
There's a big difference between appreciating and wanting to possess things. You can appreciate a painting, a flower, an animal, a natural phenomena or a man-made marvel. Do you really own and guarantee the pleasure they give, when you're under the impression of owning them? Why can't we just appreciate things and people that stay with us for a while? Why is choosing to love even a thing? On one hand, you say love is blind and you can't control it. On the other, you become picky and choose people you can love. Is ownership even letting you love unconditionally?
We have distorted our concept of love with the founding principles of society and civilization. We have screwed it up. Now, everything a person does to show you the affection means you are eligible to own them, secure them for yourself. Now, we associate defects and qualities in people with their eligibility to be owned. Now, a person's freedom and indifference towards our emotional support piques us. Now, we associate our self-esteem with our ability to own things, and hurt ourselves by foolishly trying to own some things that can't be owned. Sadly, males have had to deal with ownership issues to a greater extent in history and have made this perspective more prevalent among them.
I don't say ownership is bad. It is a foundation stone of our advanced civilization we're so proud of today. It's just not perfectly suitable for love and relationships.
I've come up with a striking thought and hence, some more questions.
I used to think I won't need anyone and I'll live "happily ever after" once I get married or committed to one person. But I see here people admitting that they're unhappy in their marriage, that they yearn for sexual intimacy with people they're not supposed to do that with, that they fall in love with any new attractive person they see, that they want an escape, from the shackles of love, relationships and responsibilities.
Well, this is the gift of the society we've designed for ourselves over the years. These are the errors and exceptions of civilization everyone's trained to ignore and forget, cause norms and uniformity are always right. Yes, we are social beings and have stayed in groups to survive through the prickly course of time. To combat adverse, depreciating situations, team work and coordination were quintessential.
We've hence made a system for ourselves, but this isn't Utopia. This system, these norms leave many or all people fucked up in some way. If you're getting disparaged and depressed by the system, it's your fault and not your fault. Deal with it, live with this dilemma, unless you pay close attention and think, why do I feel restricted to change my life for the better? why ain't I happy in my marriage? why ain't I able to find love? Why do I like a person I'm not supposed to? Why ain't I attractive as per general standards? why do I live in chains, although I'm born free?
Consider this : You love someone, the first thought is that this is "The One" for me. Then you be the best version of yourselves for them, give them your care and love, woo them, finally propose a relationship. They agree, you both marry and then, you feel that this person isn't gonna go anywhere, that all their love, care, affection, body and mind is dedicated to my emotional, physical and mental support, and I don't even need to make any efforts for that anymore. That person becomes your property, and you stop investing your time, energy, creativity and goodwill into keeping them happy. Or if that happens, it becomes just a way to ensure you still own their love. Your attempt is to be secured of love, to stop hankering, worrying, thinking about obtaining the care you need all your life.
Love never works that way.
Owning someone never guarantees their love. Owning never does anything, other than making you feel confident and secured, and keeping you under the impression that you can be lazy about things now. Who are you to "own" and "possess" things? What have you done to feel like a "King" just like that? If owning nourishes your self-esteem and ego, what use are these things, if they shatter at every single thought of losing ownership of things? Why do I have to love someone just to own them and vice versa?
Now since you always want to own the best thing possible, you begin to see people as a conglomeration of virtues and features, just like you look at other objects. Beauty becomes one of these virtues. Now since, we are programmed for affinity towards aesthetics and visual appeal, we embark on a journey to seek the best things we can own. Just like you'd feel happier moving to a bigger house or buying a more lavish car, you'd feel attracted towards a more beautiful woman.
Now what use is owning beauty and beautiful people? Why does it hurt when a beautiful person doesn't like us or isn't in a relationship with us? Why do we wish to get the better of them in such cases? This is the result of the idea of "possessing" beauty, "possessing" everything - something Kings and other people in power have done throughout the course of mankind. Marriage, inheritance and family relationships are a product of the concept of "Property Ownership." Hence, we can't own certain people and things, cause they belong to someone else. Everyone wants to rule this world, and the way to that is to own as much as possible. We are chasing that dream, that ideology, subconsciously.
There's a big difference between appreciating and wanting to possess things. You can appreciate a painting, a flower, an animal, a natural phenomena or a man-made marvel. Do you really own and guarantee the pleasure they give, when you're under the impression of owning them? Why can't we just appreciate things and people that stay with us for a while? Why is choosing to love even a thing? On one hand, you say love is blind and you can't control it. On the other, you become picky and choose people you can love. Is ownership even letting you love unconditionally?
We have distorted our concept of love with the founding principles of society and civilization. We have screwed it up. Now, everything a person does to show you the affection means you are eligible to own them, secure them for yourself. Now, we associate defects and qualities in people with their eligibility to be owned. Now, a person's freedom and indifference towards our emotional support piques us. Now, we associate our self-esteem with our ability to own things, and hurt ourselves by foolishly trying to own some things that can't be owned. Sadly, males have had to deal with ownership issues to a greater extent in history and have made this perspective more prevalent among them.
I don't say ownership is bad. It is a foundation stone of our advanced civilization we're so proud of today. It's just not perfectly suitable for love and relationships.
