A
Angelxox
Guest
I’m going to warn you before you start reading. I have a lot to get off my chest. And I might get a little sappy.
Your discretion is advised.
I don’t know why I came here. I was depressed... and feeling alone one night and typed “chat rooms “ into google and found this. I just wanted to talk. To someone. To anyone. About anything. I didn’t care.
It was almost like a game at first. Playing a girl who wasn’t sad and depressed. I put on a mask to become what I thought people would like. Whatever would get people talking to me. I became someone else. Someone I thought others would find fun and exciting... I’m no drinker... no party girl... nothing interesting. Just a some girl. A girl who wears her heart on her sleeve.
As time went on the mask started to slip. I don’t think anyone noticed at first.... But it became more evident to me I was at a party I didn’t belong at.
The sex. The fun and games. Everyone was into it. And I just pretended to be.
Pretending.... and I thought it was making the sadness and the hurt go away because the girl I was trying to be had none of that. Not a care in the world. Her only concern was fun.
Then it fell. The mask. It just fell for someone who told me it was okay. Okay to be me. Okay to say the things on my mind. But it wasn’t.
Damn.
I was the fool.
He played the game better than I did. He called my bluff. He pick my heart off my sleeve just to crumple it. He said this was HIS game. And my part was done.
Okay.
It’s fine I thought. Pick up the mask, put it back on. Cover up the hurt. No one will notice. No one will see. But my mask. It was cracked. Right in half. Now I had to use both hands to hold it up. Just hoping. Just praying. No one would noticed.
But his presence made me drop one half. And the anger and hurt bled right through. It was undeniable now. The illusion I tried projecting was fading quickly, people saw.
One person in particular saw too. Aside, he asked me if I was okay. I was breaking down... And that’s when everything just fell away. I dropped the mask completely. I let him see me.
Me. Socially awkward, a hopeless romantic, mentally unstable, an introvert in my real life, broken, lost, lonely, angry, sad, depressed. A straight up mess. A girl who is sick. A girl with no backbone, shy, always in the shawdows, always getting hurt, always getting used. A girl who thinks herself worthless and without a voice. Scared. Not living, just barely surviving.
And he... he didn’t run. He listened. With no ulterior motive in sight. He offered me friendship and kindness. We talked for hour. He talked to ME.
The real me.
That really does has a fun loving crazy side! It was just burried away. I didn’t have to pretend to be happy... I was happy. I am happy. He helped me find my own happiness by just accepting me as I am. By giving me patience. Time. He somehow reminded me of the women I was trying to be but gave up.
A women who could find her own happiness and was strong, and free from all the chains that once bond her, trapped her and held her captive for years. He reminded me that the fear and pain of my old life wasn’t there. Something that women I wanted to become in my real life use to know and not want to forget. Some how I got lost. But his kindness unknowingly lit the way.
Eventually, he gave me love too.
And I gave him mine. More love than I thought my heart was ever capable of. More love than I’d ever given anyone... And I hadn’t even see his face, heard his voice, or gotten to feel his touch.
I’ve fallen in love before. But not like this, and not online.
When I saw him and heard him for the first time, my heart was racing. “So this is the man I’d fallen in love with” I thought, and loved him even more. Fell even harder.
Wow.
Now here I am. No mask in sight. Just me. And I stay because of the friends I’ve now managed to make. The real laughs I’m able to have. The real smiles and giggles you all give me. With your silliness and love of fun (this one goes out to the RP room). You all taught me that connections can be formed anywhere, with anyone. Friendship or otherwise.
So... thank YOU. All of you.
Anyone who took the time to read this.
Thank you.
So in short:
I confess I wore a masked, played a part that wasn’t me, got hurt, found a missing piece, remembered the real women I wanted to be... and then found love. Made friends. And maybe learned a thing or two from some of you.
xoxo <3
Your discretion is advised.
I don’t know why I came here. I was depressed... and feeling alone one night and typed “chat rooms “ into google and found this. I just wanted to talk. To someone. To anyone. About anything. I didn’t care.
It was almost like a game at first. Playing a girl who wasn’t sad and depressed. I put on a mask to become what I thought people would like. Whatever would get people talking to me. I became someone else. Someone I thought others would find fun and exciting... I’m no drinker... no party girl... nothing interesting. Just a some girl. A girl who wears her heart on her sleeve.
As time went on the mask started to slip. I don’t think anyone noticed at first.... But it became more evident to me I was at a party I didn’t belong at.
The sex. The fun and games. Everyone was into it. And I just pretended to be.
Pretending.... and I thought it was making the sadness and the hurt go away because the girl I was trying to be had none of that. Not a care in the world. Her only concern was fun.
Then it fell. The mask. It just fell for someone who told me it was okay. Okay to be me. Okay to say the things on my mind. But it wasn’t.
Damn.
I was the fool.
He played the game better than I did. He called my bluff. He pick my heart off my sleeve just to crumple it. He said this was HIS game. And my part was done.
Okay.
It’s fine I thought. Pick up the mask, put it back on. Cover up the hurt. No one will notice. No one will see. But my mask. It was cracked. Right in half. Now I had to use both hands to hold it up. Just hoping. Just praying. No one would noticed.
But his presence made me drop one half. And the anger and hurt bled right through. It was undeniable now. The illusion I tried projecting was fading quickly, people saw.
One person in particular saw too. Aside, he asked me if I was okay. I was breaking down... And that’s when everything just fell away. I dropped the mask completely. I let him see me.
Me. Socially awkward, a hopeless romantic, mentally unstable, an introvert in my real life, broken, lost, lonely, angry, sad, depressed. A straight up mess. A girl who is sick. A girl with no backbone, shy, always in the shawdows, always getting hurt, always getting used. A girl who thinks herself worthless and without a voice. Scared. Not living, just barely surviving.
And he... he didn’t run. He listened. With no ulterior motive in sight. He offered me friendship and kindness. We talked for hour. He talked to ME.
The real me.
That really does has a fun loving crazy side! It was just burried away. I didn’t have to pretend to be happy... I was happy. I am happy. He helped me find my own happiness by just accepting me as I am. By giving me patience. Time. He somehow reminded me of the women I was trying to be but gave up.
A women who could find her own happiness and was strong, and free from all the chains that once bond her, trapped her and held her captive for years. He reminded me that the fear and pain of my old life wasn’t there. Something that women I wanted to become in my real life use to know and not want to forget. Some how I got lost. But his kindness unknowingly lit the way.
Eventually, he gave me love too.
And I gave him mine. More love than I thought my heart was ever capable of. More love than I’d ever given anyone... And I hadn’t even see his face, heard his voice, or gotten to feel his touch.
I’ve fallen in love before. But not like this, and not online.
When I saw him and heard him for the first time, my heart was racing. “So this is the man I’d fallen in love with” I thought, and loved him even more. Fell even harder.
Wow.
Now here I am. No mask in sight. Just me. And I stay because of the friends I’ve now managed to make. The real laughs I’m able to have. The real smiles and giggles you all give me. With your silliness and love of fun (this one goes out to the RP room). You all taught me that connections can be formed anywhere, with anyone. Friendship or otherwise.
So... thank YOU. All of you.
Anyone who took the time to read this.
Thank you.
So in short:
I confess I wore a masked, played a part that wasn’t me, got hurt, found a missing piece, remembered the real women I wanted to be... and then found love. Made friends. And maybe learned a thing or two from some of you.
xoxo <3
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