I just saw some idiot at the gym put a water bottle in the Pringle’s holder on the treadmill. 
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If you’re happy and you know it, it’s your meds!
I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.
Don’t tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.
Are you the glutton who loves chicken for breakfast, for lunch, for dinner AND wants a leg and thigh in bed as well??
My girlfriend’s father asked me what I do. Apparently “Your daughter” was not the correct answer.
My friend told me his girlfriend talks in her sleep. Apparently “I know.” was not the right answer.
Currently... I’m fucking busy - and unfortunately not the other way around.
Sometimes the thoughts in my head get so bored they go out for a stroll through my mouth. This is rarely a good thing.
If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is probably not for you.
My brain said “crunches” but my stomach auto-corrected it to “cupcakes”.
I’m going to go stand outside. So if anyone asks, you can say I’m outstanding.
I don’t always bake cookies, but when I do I only bake 4 ... because I’ve eaten the rest of the cookie dough.
Just in case no one has told you today: ~ Good morning! ~ You’re doing great. ~ I believe in you. ~ Nice butt!
I have been touched by the souls of some beautiful people and for that I am eternally grateful. <3
I am so glad you are here, you help me realize how beautiful the world is.
J.W. von Goethe, slightly altered ;-)
Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.
I finally quit drinking for good! Now I drink for Evil. ^-^ -
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