Try resistance training, Refuse to go to the gym. 
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I didn’t say it was Your fault, I said I was Blaming you.
If you suck at playing the trumpet, that’s probably why.
Ever look at someone and think, “Why has no one hit you with a shovel yet?”.
People who say “Go big or go home.” seriously underestimate my willingness to go home.
Women have a specific shampoo for dry, damaged dyed hair...
I’m pretty sure I’ve spent at least a third of my life saying “What the fuck is wrong with people?”
Wouldn’t life be so much easier if we could just send certain people to the Spam folder? O.O
I didn’t give a fuck. Then I drank a Red Bull...
I hate how you are just born out of nowhere, forced to go to school and get an education so you can go out and get a job.
Headphones, (n) A socially acceptable “I’m ignoring you” device.
The number of times I think “Shut the fuck up” while people are talking is getting wayyy out of hand.
So it’s okay for a cat to run away and hide under the bed when visitors show up...
You don’t like me? That’s such a shame. I’ll need a few seconds to recover from this tragedy.
My house looks like I’m losing a game of Jumanji. O.O
My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it feels like it.
I have to teach my facial expressions to use their “inside” voice.
People either inspire you, or drain you... choose wisely.
Just checked my daytimer. It looks like I won’t be giving a single fuck all week.
Word of the day: Karmasutra, (adj) When life fucks you in all sorts of creative ways. -
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