Enough is enough?

shelly2inme

shelly2inme

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OFC Regular
I am curious about how much sex is enough sex in your view.

I am starting to wonder if sex is or can be an addiction. Maybe a natural and healthy addiction but still an addiction. I say that because it seems like the more sex I have the more I want. There doesn't seem to be a point where I feel like, "ok, been there done that." Do you feel that way? No matter what your sex life is like is there always a craving for more? Or is there some point where "enough is enough."?
 
Certainly, fulfilling sex is addictive though I have found as I close in on my fiftieth birthday that my sex drive has gotten stronger and stronger. I do get your point though, regardless of the quality of the sex you are having, you can want more and more. Once or twice a week is what I'm getting at the moment but I could definitely go for more. That arousal keeps me awake
 
I do wonder what effect age will have on my libido. I think I maybe already peaked when I was about 35 but overall I do find that I can't ignore the urge for sex very long. I wonder if some people have tamped down their sex drive for a variety of reasons and that they live with a chronic frustration but they themselves don't know why they have those feelings. I say that because so many people seem disturbed to me. Unhappy. Upset. Easily offended. I have to wonder if they just need to get off more. So that would be "not enough is not enough."
 
There are too many vagaries when it comes to relationships. People may indeed tamp down their sex lives, or simply not be in a relationship with someone with the same ideals. Most of us didn't marry because their partner had the same thoughts sexually. There are just too many variables to life for there to be a proper answer. I think younger people should definitely give it some thought however. It is such a part of my psyche now that moving into a new relationship at this part of my life would entail it being accounted for... As would other things. I have no problem with smokers for instance, but I wouldn't get into a relationship with a smoker going forward. I am not a religious person, though one of my best friends is devoutly religious to the point of going on retreats to famous religious sites like Medjagore... And I wouldn't get into a relationship with a devoutly religious person either. At this part of my life, I just know what works and what doesn't. I have regrets, deep regrets and that is why I think sexuality, sexual combability should be discussed and at the very least considered. Open-mindedness isn't for everyone, so after 20 years of marriage, you suddenly profess to wanting to wear latex and be suspended from the ceiling while being whipped... can you expect your partner to go "sure, ok!" Maybe, maybe not, but a little forethought goes a long way
 
SensualIrishMan said:
There are too many vagaries when it comes to relationships. People may indeed tamp down their sex lives, or simply not be in a relationship with someone with the same ideals. Most of us didn't marry because their partner had the same thoughts sexually. There are just too many variables to life for there to be a proper answer. I think younger people should definitely give it some thought however. It is such a part of my psyche now that moving into a new relationship at this part of my life would entail it being accounted for... As would other things. I have no problem with smokers for instance, but I wouldn't get into a relationship with a smoker going forward. I am not a religious person, though one of my best friends is devoutly religious to the point of going on retreats to famous religious sites like Medjagore... And I wouldn't get into a relationship with a devoutly religious person either. At this part of my life, I just know what works and what doesn't. I have regrets, deep regrets and that is why I think sexuality, sexual combability should be discussed and at the very least considered. Open-mindedness isn't for everyone, so after 20 years of marriage, you suddenly profess to wanting to wear latex and be suspended from the ceiling while being whipped... can you expect your partner to go "sure, ok!" Maybe, maybe not, but a little forethought goes a long way
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I do think that people should explore ALL aspects of compatibility before they get married. Sex is a major factor in a good marriage. I think my husband and I were attracted to each other because we do think alike about EVERYTHING. But I was too young to know what my ideal sex partner would be like. I am glad that we both do view sex the same way and it would be very disappointing if that were not the case.
 
That is a good thing alright but also very rare I imagine. Being in an intimate relationship automatically brings it to the fore, so perhaps it is a vicious circle regardless. There is of course the joy of discovering that you may be into things you didn't previous think you were into. My wife, for all her prudishness, has discovered a love for toys and a little pain for pleasure, things she would have railed against in books or movies previously. I have always been more open minded but have pushed her further recently.
Still, how a young person asks these questions comes back to a point you made about communication and the taboo that is sexual communication. If we can get by that, you'd have hope for humanity!
 
Sadly it seems to me that the most selfish and sick humans on the planet seem to control society in just about every way. I think that is because they have a craving to control others. So people that just want to live their life don't resist them and their influence becomes rooted. I say that in this context because the very sick and selfish view of sex that has prevailed in so many cultures is generated by a few powerful people that invent the rules. For example, why are there laws about things like having only one marriage mate? In the usa we are supposed to have religious freedom. Isn't the idea of a man with two wives or a wife with two husbands blocked because it offends the moral concept of specific religious elements?
 
You're always going to have people looking for power in the most extreme of circumstances. The Catholic Church in Ireland had so much power up until very very recently and people are finally moving away from their grip and realizing just how much hypocrisy was involved. Sexism was rife in Ireland up until the 90s where women working in the Civil Service couldn't remain if they got pregnant. It was, and still is in some respects, a backward shithole, to put it bluntly. But rules are rules I suppose. Religion in schools is being slowly phased out to, so that dogmatic teachings from the bible will no longer fill young kids minds with dread at being under surveillance for 24 hours. I don't want to get into a religion bashing exercise despite being an atheist but it has a lot to answer for in terms of people's inert fear of everything, and fear of punishment in an afterlife you can never prove. Drives me potty I must say.
Freedoms are definitely linked wrongly to coercive thinking. Sexual freedoms are specifically linked to other people's thinking. We are animals after all. Most animals do not have one mate, though most animals don't have sex for pleasure. If we can eradicate guilt based on the tenuous link to some kind of punishment, I think people will become more trusting and less enamoured by the basic idea of "shacking up with someone" because that is what society expects.
 
I agree that fake religion is at the core of a lot of social problems including sexual disfunction.

I don't conflate belief in God and problems with fake religion. They really are two different topics. It is also a mistake to conflate Jesus and what he taught with any of the crap coming out of the Catholic Church. The history of the Catholic Church and it's off shoots is so evil that it boggles me that anyone would be will to support it. (I hope someone voices disagreement with my comment about the Catholic Church because it would be a wonderful catharsis to just provide a list of Church sponsored horrors.)

I grew up with parents that we part of a "hell fire" church that was very anti-sex. My mom clearly viewed sex as a forbidden fruit and thought of it and spoke of it as nasty, dirty and taboo. They would never even let my sister and I be around boys. They tried and failed to brainwash my sister and I with their dark religious views that paint a picture of god that no decent person could love.

It is true that most animals have multiple mates. But I am not sure that animals don't fuck for fun. I have seen female animals in heat and they want to get fucked so bad they whimper. I know the feeling. Males seem to always be ready for a good fuck at the first scent of a female in heat. But humans are clearly at the top of the food chain and as such we are capable of a far more sophisticated sexual experience. We not only can but we do enjoy sex for pleasure. We can also protect against STD and pregnancy.

I am really not sure when 'enough is enough' with sex. But I don't want the answer to be based on what lower animals come up with or what evil religious leaders make up.
 
As far as I am concerned all religion is fake, and whether Jesus existed or not, his message was nothing special and nothing any intelligent being couldn't come up. Morality isn't a religious trait, it's a human trait that was usurped by Religion. God botherers always use the argument "Who do you answer to, if you don't have morals? Where do morals come from?" You know, each to their own but I don't need fairytales or superheros to come up with my own sense of self, or sense of morality.

But back to enough is enough. No, it is never enough. You are having more sex than most people, with more people than most, and fulfilling more fantasies than most. I'm not. Most people are not. Therefore I am not getting enough sex and want more. Most people with a healthy sex drive will want more, regardless of the amount they are getting. It would be a wonderful ideal for humanity to have the open mind that you and your husband have, but the simple fact is they don't. People are still blinkered by guilt and association, by worrying what Mrs Smith down the road might think. We have established that this is essentially wrong, but it is the reality of the situation nonetheless. Societal norms will always worm their way into conscious thinking, even when it is easy to reject them. It's just the way it is.

I'm not getting enough... that is my answer
 
DamnitDawn said:
I'm addicted. I'll admit it.:rolleyes:
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What I wonder is where is the line of demarcation between addiction and simply doing something repeatedly because one enjoys doing it. For example, both eating and fucking are totally natural. Both can be very pleasant. We all eat repeatedly and usually several times a day. We don't think of eating as an addiction because of our enjoying food several times a day. Eating only becomes an addiction when it contributes to a decline in health, wealth and harms other aspects of life. So with sex it too is natural and many of us enjoy it daily and sometimes more than once a day. So, if we enjoy regular sex but it doesn't harm our health or wealth or distract us from carrying for other matters in life would it be reasonable to think of it as an addiction?

In my case I don't think I ever put sex ahead of my health or my family or other important things. So by that standard I don't think it would be correct to say it is an addiction. On the other hand it is a distraction to me almost every day and I find myself thinking about sex when I am taking care of others things. Also, if I don't have sex for a while I get nervous or anxious. But then again if a person doesn't eat for a day they get pretty focused on food too.

So where do you think the line is between having lots of regular sex and being a sex addict?
 
shelly2inme said:
What I wonder is where is the line of demarcation between addiction and simply doing something repeatedly because one enjoys doing it. For example, both eating and fucking are totally natural. Both can be very pleasant. We all eat repeatedly and usually several times a day. We don't think of eating as an addiction because of our enjoying food several times a day. Eating only becomes an addiction when it contributes to a decline in health, wealth and harms other aspects of life. So with sex it too is natural and many of us enjoy it daily and sometimes more than once a day. So, if we enjoy regular sex but it doesn't harm our health or wealth or distract us from carrying for other matters in life would it be reasonable to think of it as an addiction?

In my case I don't think I ever put sex ahead of my health or my family or other important things. So by that standard I don't think it would be correct to say it is an addiction. On the other hand it is a distraction to me almost every day and I find myself thinking about sex when I am taking care of others things. Also, if I don't have sex for a while I get nervous or anxious. But then again if a person doesn't eat for a day they get pretty focused on food too.

So where do you think the line is between having lots of regular sex and being a sex addict?
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Sex is one of the last characteristic of the animal that we have left (I use here animal in his broader definition in opposition to vegetal).
The evolution of man, the development of society, and the coming of the monotheistic religions have contributed to format our minds to think that sex, or too much sex, is a bad thing.
Polytheisthic religion don't have those issues. Let's take the example of the Kama Sutra, which is the West is seen mainly as a textbook on sexual positions, but which topic is in reality the art of living well. The text acknowledge the concept of "the object of human pursuit" (I do not remember the Hindu term for it) which is a key component of Hinduism. Therefore, we can deduct that the kama sutra finds its place in Hinduism. Many shamanic religions also have a cult of Nature and of the Divine Feminine with the women representing fertility.

That said, our relation to sex and the guilt we can get from it is purely cultural. You give the example of food becoming harmful is you eat too much. The quantity is not the problem. If you are diabetic and you eat sugar, even in what could be a reasonable proportion for a non diabetic, you can get in serious problem. So the quantity is not the issue. The issue is more what you do with it. You say you think a lot about it even doing other thing. Is it obsession? or is it excitement of a pleasant thing to come? It can been seen from two angles.

Does sex destroy your family? Does sex affect your performance quality at your job, the stability of your family? your finances? No? It is not an addiction. You are able to keep a sanity in the relation and you do not compromise anything critical for sex, which is a key trait of addiction...

My two cents
 
shelly2inme said:
What I wonder is where is the line of demarcation between addiction and simply doing something repeatedly because one enjoys doing it. For example, both eating and fucking are totally natural. Both can be very pleasant. We all eat repeatedly and usually several times a day. We don't think of eating as an addiction because of our enjoying food several times a day. Eating only becomes an addiction when it contributes to a decline in health, wealth and harms other aspects of life. So with sex it too is natural and many of us enjoy it daily and sometimes more than once a day. So, if we enjoy regular sex but it doesn't harm our health or wealth or distract us from carrying for other matters in life would it be reasonable to think of it as an addiction?

In my case I don't think I ever put sex ahead of my health or my family or other important things. So by that standard I don't think it would be correct to say it is an addiction. On the other hand it is a distraction to me almost every day and I find myself thinking about sex when I am taking care of others things. Also, if I don't have sex for a while I get nervous or anxious. But then again if a person doesn't eat for a day they get pretty focused on food too.

So where do you think the line is between having lots of regular sex and being a sex addict?
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Sex addiction can also have an emotional aspect too. When I'm upset or overwhelmed, just how someone addicted to cigarettes would crave a smoke- i crave sex. Its on my mind constantly.
It doesn't have to be bad for my health to be an addiction. With the family situation, when husband goes on his dry spells, i crave it more. Despair eventually sets in and I get a little depressed and moody. Without the supplemental treatment (like my toys, online flirtation and porn), I'd be damn near lost. I was for a while. Gained weight, got hella depressed. Anti-social.
But then once I started embracing sex more and taking it in by other means besides my husband, i perked up. Started taking care of myself. And even hubs desires me more.
While some people are neither here nor there with sex and can go about their day with or without it, I feel i actually need it. Or else i feel like a depressed little ogre
 
DamnitDawn said:
Sex addiction can also have an emotional aspect too. When I'm upset or overwhelmed, just how someone addicted to cigarettes would crave a smoke- i crave sex. Its on my mind constantly.
It doesn't have to be bad for my health to be an addiction. With the family situation, when husband goes on his dry spells, i crave it more. Despair eventually sets in and I get a little depressed and moody. Without the supplemental treatment (like my toys, online flirtation and porn), I'd be damn near lost. I was for a while. Gained weight, got hella depressed. Anti-social.
But then once I started embracing sex more and taking it in by other means besides my husband, i perked up. Started taking care of myself. And even hubs desires me more.
While some people are neither here nor there with sex and can go about their day with or without it, I feel i actually need it. Or else i feel like a depressed little ogre
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Sound more like sex is a medicine than an addiction as it helps you feel better.
 
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