What’s better than roses on a piano?
Tulips on an organ.
Tulips on an organ.
Q. Why did the nurse go to art school?.
A. To learn to draw blood.
A. To learn to draw blood.
Your so dump staring at an orange juice carton just because it says concentrate.
Q. What does an old woman have between her boobs that a young woman doesn't?.
A. A navel.
A. A navel.
Doctor.
Did you take the patients temperature?.
Nurse.
No, is it missing.
Did you take the patients temperature?.
Nurse.
No, is it missing.
I walked into a bar and saw this beautiful woman was sitting all by herself, looking clearly distraught. Shocked that this gorgeous lady was not flanked by a legion of suitors, I mustered up the courage to go over and talk to her.
“Hey, there!“ I started. “You seem a little down. Do you mind if I ask what’s the matter.”
She stirred her drink, looked down with a sigh, and replied:
”I’m cursed when it comes to men. Fate has been so cruel to me!”
Ah, l’amour. Of course it would be that. Perhaps I have chance with the lovely lady after all. I just need to find out more.
”Can you tell me what‘s the nature of your curse?” I inquire.
”I’m a nymphomaniac but I only get turned on by Jewish cowboys” she replied.
I said: “Hi, my name is Bucky Goldstein.”
“Hey, there!“ I started. “You seem a little down. Do you mind if I ask what’s the matter.”
She stirred her drink, looked down with a sigh, and replied:
”I’m cursed when it comes to men. Fate has been so cruel to me!”
Ah, l’amour. Of course it would be that. Perhaps I have chance with the lovely lady after all. I just need to find out more.
”Can you tell me what‘s the nature of your curse?” I inquire.
”I’m a nymphomaniac but I only get turned on by Jewish cowboys” she replied.
I said: “Hi, my name is Bucky Goldstein.”
I had a friend who was a pilot.
I said, Hi Jack. Then he shot me.
I said, Hi Jack. Then he shot me.
Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sun roof?.
A. It had extra leg room.
A. It had extra leg room.
Q. Why are blondes like a door knob?.
A. Because everyone gets they're turn.
No offense to any blondes on this forum. I have blonde friends and colleagues.
A. Because everyone gets they're turn.
No offense to any blondes on this forum. I have blonde friends and colleagues.
Q. Why does Hillary Clinton want to have sex with Bill in the morning.
A. Because she wants to be the first lady.
No offense to our American friends.
A. Because she wants to be the first lady.
No offense to our American friends.
Given the current state of affairs, I long for the days when Bill Clinton’s escapades were the shocking thing on peoples’ lips.
OMG, I just realized that there at least 2 jokes embedded in my last comment. I’ll just let y’all use your imagination. Except where I’m from we’d say “youse guys”.
Given the current state of affairs, I long for the days when Bill Clinton’s escapades were the shocking thing on peoples’ lips.
OMG, I just realized that there at least 2 jokes embedded in my last comment. I’ll just let y’all use your imagination. Except where I’m from we’d say “youse guys”.
Being British, I'm not understanding the joke. Or it maybe I'm just stupid.
Q. Why did the runner quit racing against bigfoot?.
A. He couldn't face dafeat.
A. He couldn't face dafeat.
My son is that lazy he refuses to empty his trash bin on his computer.
Not at all. I left it implicit so the joke is not immediately obvious. Kinda like free form stand up comedy. I guess that’s called improv.
Here‘s a couple off the cuff:
There was more on Monica Lewinsky’s lips than Bill Clinton’s name.
The state of affairs was strong when Clinton was in the White House.
Hilary Clinton was appointed to oversee the state of affairs...etc
Did you hear that Bill Clinton gave up the saxophone?
He’s been too busy playing with his whore-Monica.
He’s been too busy playing with his whore-Monica.
Q. What do you get when you cross a hooker with a systems engineer?.
A. A fucking know it all.
A. A fucking know it all.
Q. Why did god create Adam before Eve?.
A. Because he didn't want to be told how to do his job.
A. Because he didn't want to be told how to do his job.
The Adam and Eve joke reminded me of a funny joke, but it is in form of video:
Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?.
A. How do you breathe through something so small.
A. How do you breathe through something so small.