Talking To Self

Discussion in 'Blogs' started by AkshayGoodOne, Nov 17, 2018.

  1. Talking to Self.


    Thanks for staying by and taking out time to read this. I am writing this testimony with all my thought and commitment. So, I hope I don’t end up disappointing you in any way. Your love and support have always been paramount in keeping me happy with my experience at this site.

    I just wanted to confess about one of the many flaws I possess, which could make me seem psychotic. Yes, I talk to myself and have been caught multiple times doing so. I’ve often been made to feel embarrassed at the exposé, but in my loneliest of moments, this habit of mine has always proved therapeutic. Hence, I just can’t convince myself changing this behaviour of mine.

    First of all, change is a hard thing to go through and requires the fuel of love and time. Well, it is hard because now, I’ve been programmed by life to a huge extent, with all the damages and bugs my childhood and later past life inflicted upon my mind. I am now a certain ‘kind’ of person – The ‘kind’ that some would love while others would scorn at. Well, Sorry. Being born under certain ‘kinds’ of financial and social conditions, having had to associate with certain ‘kinds’, or not getting to be with certain ‘kinds’, having had to face certain ‘kinds’ of pains or enjoy certain ‘kinds’ of pleasures was never in my control.

    I have been a slave of circumstances, a function of life. This universe has employed me as a bonded labourer and I just don’t know who to complain for the unjust, unfair treatment and all the exploitation or misfortune I face in life. People say, there’s one “God”, which we address our problems to, hoping for a remedy. But guess, this “God” is busy with far greater pursuits, hence showing no obtrusive maintenance work around us in response to our complaints. We’re all lost, with our emotions, our boons or banes and our dreams, in a very miniscule blue grain of this universe.

    Well, in the end, the mess you create or become, the state you’re in, the resulting frustration and sadness and your liabilities are only yours to bear. You’re just at par with all other inhabitants, the bonded labourers of this universe, in this regard. The appreciation, the love, the favours, the advices and assistances, physical, emotional, mental, sexual and financial support or charity, all these that people give you are nothing short of miracles. They do relieve your condition, but they aren’t guaranteed in life.

    So, expecting these things to serendipitously occur at every phase of your life, vehemently betting your energies and emotional stability over these things is risky, because, of course, people are uncertain, just like you are. The economics and interpersonal transactions of these ‘miracles’, love and good-will, is a far under-researched and incomprehensible thing to be wise about.

    You have a limited resource of positive energy, which you put into thoughts to create feelings or emotions. You also put this energy into expecting and preparing yourself mentally for these unguaranteed ‘miracles’, to obtain returns of satisfaction, validation and self-confidence in life. Quite often, you don’t get the returns. Now, if you had bet so much energy into it, you may go emotionally broke, further craving for the ‘miracles’ and investing your scant energies you need to keep yourself normal into them and possibly landing into emotional bankruptcy. You could’ve invested your energies into creating ‘assets’ that earns you these ‘miracles’ which in this case are the ‘miracles’ you provide to other people, but, well, you take these things for granted.

    You are an organisation that deals with this business transactions of ‘miracles’ and works to earn the satisfaction in your life. The board of directors consist of three members: Your body, your mind and your heart. You are on your heart’s side (Team soul and heart :cool:) , which gets most piqued by your emotional bankruptcy. The body is the enforcement, the link to all the information your board of directors receive. The mind is the CEO, the principle decision maker, with all the statistical tools and cognitive biases. Your soul/heart is the president, the rubber stamp who gives a final go for all actions, dreams, visions and plans as decided by your board of directors.

    Sometimes, we might come to think we’re always in full control of our life. Just consider this proposition – Alcohol, drugs, sexual stimulation and extreme luxury bribe the sensors of your body with release of dopamine, serotonin and other endorphins, so your body may propose that this ‘epicurean’ state is what your organization should go for. Hence, you may be fooled to convince you’re going the right path. Your soul gets micromanaged, and the organisation moves ahead towards the path of dreaded bankruptcy.

    Your soul has only a one-third of the shares in this organisation. But there’s a way you can rule your own organisation. Your mind works on logic and sound propositions. One good thing is, you can take the help of your mind’s tools and intelligence and use your body’s resources to create these sound propositions. You can, in this way, guide and control your body and mind into achieving those ‘miracles’ in abundance, for a life full of happiness, prosperity and satisfaction.

    You must be thinking I went way off topic there :p. But, no.

    I spend my time thinking about life, my own conditions and characteristics flaws and how to get above my situations in life. Sadly, the only brainstorming partner I have, is me. Finding an empty space, in my room, I spend time alone, and talk to to discover myself.

    Just know this, my dear reader friend, I’ll do whatever I can to please you and bring ‘miracles’ in your life.

    Thank You

    PS: I kinda tried making this long, tedious testimony some fun and tacky, with inspiration from @Misha000 ’s style of posting :p
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 17, 2018
    Renee, Misha000, Chubby74 and 2 others like this.
  2. ViXxXeN

    ViXxXeN Moderator Staff Member

    I actually read this whole long thing.
    BTW, I talk to myself too. Sometimes it makes decisions I have to make easier if I talk them outloud to myself. Weird, I know, but they need to come out of my head sometimes into the open air.
  3. Chubby74

    Chubby74 Well-Known Member

    It's looking like talking to oneself is a common trait with some of us. I often do it, especially to berate myself for doing or saying something stupid. It's not the only time, I also talk to myself when trying to work out a problem. I'm a very solitary person, I rarely socialise outside of going to work and often get lost in my own company
  4. Thanks for reading this, Vix.

    I don't treat this post as just an explanation as to why I have this habit. The main purpose behind this is to present my view on life and human relationships. Writing this helped provide me some clarity about life. This, too, was kinda like talked to myself :)
    Chubby74 likes this.
  5. Thanks Chubby74, for your valued opinion. I feel that this habit may be attributed to our habit of gaining information through our senses. Talking to ourselves might be the process of feeding ourselves our own generated information, to view it as a new chunk of information to build ideas upon. I just wonder why it isn't considered very much normal :)
    Chubby74 likes this.
  6. Chubby74

    Chubby74 Well-Known Member

    "Normal" is overrated, besides any of that, I think 90% of people with any form of intelligence talk to themselves at one time or another. They're just too afraid or too embarrassed to admit it. I often find that I make slightly more sense than some people I could talk to. After all, who knows you better than you do
    AkshayGoodOne likes this.
  7. Exactly...Only you know everything about your own self. Also, there's the fear of having an adverse effect on someone when you share the things with them you talk to yourself about. It just adds another layer of complexity to the whole situation. Your feelings kinda mingles with that confidante's interpretation and although they can provide new light to the discussion, you might lose the original effect and purity of your thought. Also, it gives us a chance of self-discovery :)
  8. Misha000

    Misha000 Guest

    I was just thinking how pretty it was! :p
    AkshayGoodOne likes this.
  9. Misha000

    Misha000 Guest

    Seriously though, I also talk to myself. A lot. Only because i dont have the outlet otherwise. I find this chat room to be another way of venting but not in a bad way.
    I do like @Chubby74 mentioned, talk to myself usually to berate and belittle which I know to be pointless. However it makes me feel 'better' that I've got it off my chest.
    The most important thing I feel is my journal however since ive been here, I've not really needed it. Reading it back is the saddest thing you'll ever read. Makes me sad looking at it, so I try not to.
    Anyway when all is said and done, @AkshayGoodOne you do whatever you know works for you.
    I love your style and grace of words, you're a rare gem in a place like this xxxx
    AkshayGoodOne likes this.
  10. James3313

    James3313 New Member

    I am always talking to myself. As a matter of fact I’m talking to myself as I’m typing this
    AkshayGoodOne likes this.

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