True self control is waiting until the movie starts before eating your popcorn. 
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Husband: One nice thing about this quarantine is that we’ve not been going out spending money...
Studies have shown that women who carry a little more weight tend to live longer than the men who mention it.
Have you ever noticed that there are no recipes for leftover chocolate?
I’m on that new “I don’t give a fuck” diet. It’s working great, I’ve lost 10 assholes already.
Find someone who makes you laugh in public and scream in bed.
I’m going to hang a Batman outfit in my closet, just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer’s XD
You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend... it will just happen... give it time.
Give me coffee to change the things I can, and wine to accept those that I can’t.
People write “congrats” because they can’t spell “congrajlashins”.
We all have that one friend who needs to learn how to whisper.
Do you ever just wanna grab someone by the shoulders, look them deep in their eyes and whisper...
You don’t get smarter as you get older. There’s just less stupid stuff left that you haven’t already done.
Has anyone tried unplugging 2020, waiting 10 seconds and plugging it back in?
Every thing is moved, now I have time to think and plan for what comes next.
My darling Tezz...was so good to see you today! I'll always be right here for you hun! <3
(sigh) moving day today, will be back online as soon as things are settled. Tc all and stay safe.
Friendship is the purest Love. It is the highest form of Love where nothing is asked for, no condition, where one simply enjoys giving. (Osho)
My great grandma started giggling at a family bbq and when I asked what’s funny she said, “ everyone here is alive because I got laid.” -
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