The chill pill I took this morning appears to have been a placebo. 
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The relationship between a husband and wife is very psychological. One is psycho and the other is logical.
Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood. ~ Bill Murray
I love the smell of freshly brewed coffee in the morning. And I love the sound of no one talking to me while I drink it.
Good morning everyone! My body is up. The mind will follow sometime later today... hopefully.
Good morning World, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.
There seems to be an epidemic of SLAS going around. That is “Stupid Lazy Ass Syndrome.”
What’s a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
When my ex and I split up I finally realized why we were so incompatible, I’m an Aquarius and she’s a bitch.
If a home school mom is talking to herself, is she crazy or is it a parent-teacher conference?
I have a smart brain attached to a smart mouth... you have been warned. XD
Video games are the only legal place to kill stupid people.
Don’t use a big word when a singularly unloquatious and diminutive linguistic expression will satisfactorily accomplish the necessary.
I’m going out of my mind. Does anyone need anything while I’m out?
I do not have a fake social media personality. I am genuinely this ridiculous in real life.
By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you Unfriended and Restricted. You may now kiss my butt.
I’m so offended when my body decides to be sick. Like, I gave you a vegetable just last week.
Single; (noun), A man who makes jokes about women in the kitchen.
The best proof of love is trust. J. Brothers (Good Housekeeping, 1975) I trust you!
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