Are they still “bad habits” if you enjoy them? 
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Sorry if I acted crazy... just so you know, it Will happen again
The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.
Can’t decide if I need a hug, an XXL coffee, 6 shots of vodka, or 2 weeks of sleep.
If you ever see me smiling on a Monday, you’ll know an alien has killed me and is wearing my skin as a disguise. :O
I made a pitcher of margaritas. That’s not an invitation, just letting you know my plans for the next hour.
Congratulations! You have been in the room for ten seconds and already annoyed me three times. That’s a new record.
There’s a fine line between genius and insanity, I have erased this line. Can’t wait to see what happens next.
I do not have ducks and I do not have a row. I have squirrels and they are having a rave.
My smart mouth always gets me into trouble, and f it’s not my mouth it’s my facial expressions.
If you say “Gullible” slowly, it sounds like “Oranges”.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
If you ever find something that makes you smile, giggle or laugh, buy it or marry it.
Just when I think I’ve got all my ducks in a row, one of the fluffy fuckers wanders off and gets into some shit!
Fartled: (fart-led) (adj.) To be startled by a loud fart.
You can only say “WTF?” so many times a day, until you just decide to start drinking.
Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing all day without worrying about being caught at it.
True self control is waiting until the movie starts before eating your popcorn.
Husband: One nice thing about this quarantine is that we’ve not been going out spending money... -
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