I bought a new belt for £100, it didn't fit.
So it was a huge waste.
So it was a huge waste.
Today at the Physics Pharmacy:
Protons and electrons on sale for $1 but neutrons are always free of charge.
Protons and electrons on sale for $1 but neutrons are always free of charge.
Q. What did the blondes left leg say to the right leg?.
A. Between the two of us we can make a lot of money.
No offence intended if you are blonde, I have blonde friends.
A. Between the two of us we can make a lot of money.
No offence intended if you are blonde, I have blonde friends.
Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill the men after mating?.
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q. What do you call a gentleman at the end of a queue of redheads?.
A. Ginger bred man.
A. Ginger bred man.
Q. Why is the Harry Potter films so unrealistic?.
A. Because the redhead has 2 friends.
As a redhead myself I can understand.
A. Because the redhead has 2 friends.
As a redhead myself I can understand.
Q. What did the female mushroom say about the male mushroom?.
A. That he was a fungi.
A. That he was a fungi.
Never trust an atom.
They make up everything.
They make up everything.
Customer phones Chinese takeaway.
Hi, I'm Wan King the chef. Can I take your order please?.
Customer. Ok, I'll call back later.
Hi, I'm Wan King the chef. Can I take your order please?.
Customer. Ok, I'll call back later.
Q. How do you embarrass and confuse an archaeologist?.
A. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
A. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Q. What is a mans idea of safe sex?.
A. A padded headboard.
A. A padded headboard.
That one helluva sous-chef they’ve got there.
My friend said to me: “what rhymes with orange”
”No it doesn’t” I replied.
”No it doesn’t” I replied.
Q. What sound does a grape make?.
A. Only a little wine.
A. Only a little wine.
Q. What do you get when you cross bambi with a ghost?.
A. Bamboo.
A. Bamboo.
Q. What is a blondes favourite nursery rhyme?.
A. Humpme dumpme
A. Humpme dumpme
How do you make holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
Boil the hell out of it.
Q. What does a rubics cube and a penis have in common?.
A. The longer you play with it, the harder it gets.
A. The longer you play with it, the harder it gets.
Q. What is the odd one out?.
Blow job, eggs, meat or wife?.
A. A Blow job. You can beat an egg, your meat and your wife. But you can't beat a Blow job.
Blow job, eggs, meat or wife?.
A. A Blow job. You can beat an egg, your meat and your wife. But you can't beat a Blow job.
A man who lacks confidence and is timid around ladies walks into a bar. He sits down, orders a drink and sees another good looking well dressed man across the bar laughing and having a good time with a gorgeous woman.
Sure enough - a few minutes go by and out the door goes the man and lady.
The guy sits and shakes his head, orders another drink and ponders his lack of luck with the ladies. 45 minutes go by and the good looking well dressed man comes walking back into the bar, smiling and sits down, orders a drink and within a few minutes, has another beautiful gorgeous woman come over to him and they start laughing and having a good time.
Perplexed, the man can't figure out what this other guys game is. He orders yet another drink and sure enough, the good looking man and the beautiful woman walk out of the bar.
Another 45 minutes and a few more belts of whiskey goes by and sure enough, here comes the good looking man back into the bar.
This time, the guy gets up the courage and goes over to the good looking man and asks his how he does it.
The good looking man says, well, tell the bartender to give her whatever she is drinking on you. If she comes over to you, you say the regular pleasantries and then just lightly whisper in her hear "Tickle your ass with a feather?" and if she giggles, bingo - you got her, if she seems offended, you say "typically nasty weather."
Oh - got it says the guy.
So, he sits back down, belts down a few more whiskies and there comes the lady of his dreams. He orders her a drink, staggers over to her and yells "ram a feather up your ass?"
She says "excuse me!"
He says "looks like fucking rain!"
Sure enough - a few minutes go by and out the door goes the man and lady.
The guy sits and shakes his head, orders another drink and ponders his lack of luck with the ladies. 45 minutes go by and the good looking well dressed man comes walking back into the bar, smiling and sits down, orders a drink and within a few minutes, has another beautiful gorgeous woman come over to him and they start laughing and having a good time.
Perplexed, the man can't figure out what this other guys game is. He orders yet another drink and sure enough, the good looking man and the beautiful woman walk out of the bar.
Another 45 minutes and a few more belts of whiskey goes by and sure enough, here comes the good looking man back into the bar.
This time, the guy gets up the courage and goes over to the good looking man and asks his how he does it.
The good looking man says, well, tell the bartender to give her whatever she is drinking on you. If she comes over to you, you say the regular pleasantries and then just lightly whisper in her hear "Tickle your ass with a feather?" and if she giggles, bingo - you got her, if she seems offended, you say "typically nasty weather."
Oh - got it says the guy.
So, he sits back down, belts down a few more whiskies and there comes the lady of his dreams. He orders her a drink, staggers over to her and yells "ram a feather up your ass?"
She says "excuse me!"
He says "looks like fucking rain!"