Make me laugh

Man walks into a bar with a cat and a Heron. Orders a round of drinks, then the heron orders a round of drinks, then it was the man's turn, then the Herons turn and so forth.
Barman says to the man, how come you and the Heron have bought rounds all night but the cat hasn't?
Man says, well I found a magic lamp, gave it a rub and out popped a genie who granted me a wish.
Barman says, yeah well what did you wish for?
Man says , a long legged bird with a tight pussy...
 
Just been told my son has swallowed his phone and it's got stuck in his throat...
I'm gonna ring his neck!
--‐----------------------------------

My best mate just fainted on the London eye..
But it's okay, he's slowly coming around!
 
A farmer decided he wanted to go to town and see a movie. As he approached, the ticket agent asked, “Sir, what’s that on your shoulder?”

The old farmer said, “That’s my pet rooster Chuck. Wherever I go, Chuck goes.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” said the ticket agent. “We can’t allow animals in the theater.”

The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed Chuck down his overalls. Then he returned to the booth, bought a ticket, and entered the theater.
He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.

The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unbuttoned his fly so Chuck could stick his head out and watch the movie.

“Marge,” whispered Mildred.

“What?” said Marge.

“I think the guy next to me is a pervert.”

“What makes you think so?” asked Marge.

“He undid his pants and he has his thing out,” whispered Mildred.

“Eh, don’t worry about it,” said Marge. “At our age we’ve seen ’em all.”

“I thought so too,” said Mildred, “but this one’s eatin’ my popcorn!”
 
Back on June 9th, a group of HELLS ANGELS, South Carolina bikers were riding east on 378 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge.
So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby . . . whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"
She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"

While he didn't want to appear sensitive,George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked . . . "Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe . . .why don't you give ol' George here your best last kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that . . .
And it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."
It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top