Make me laugh

I just got struck by lightning while sitting on the toilet...
It was a real shock to the cistern!

They threw me out of the cinema yesterday for bringing my own food.
But come on! The prices are way too high...
Plus I haven't had a barbecue in months!
 
I was watching porn with my girlfriend and she complained, “This is so unrealistic.”
I said, "agree, he didn't even fix the sink."

“Not that,” she explained, “It’s just the plumbers that come to our house have tiny cocks.”
 
saw a man walking down the road with a sign under his arm that read, "& Emergency".
"Where did you get that from?" I asked.
He said, "I found it by Accident!"


My wife asked me what would stop the stairs from creaking...
Apparently 'Slimming World' was not the right answer!
 
mykitty-5af3686c43a103003749ef89.jpg
 
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